Sunday, December 26, 2010

New History.

The hardest thing is to let go.
Forgiving yourself is such a tricky obstacle.
You can be moved on, feeling good, then it creeps your mind.
Recently I moved on from a beautiful young lady, who was ... perfect. really.
Have you ever met someone perfect ? Their life goals, attitude, etc are just flawless and your only prayer was that God would allow this to be the one, that this will be it.
of course you have.
But for some terrible reason.... it doesn't feel right with you...
It doesn't settle right. So your forced to move on.
Each of you probably have, but each know that it is the right thing to do.

You see, I feel I have a unique calling in life, with this unique call I carry tons of baggage... tons of regret .. mistakes... and sometimes its not so forgiving.
Sometimes it hits the back of my foot.. don't you hate when your carrying your bags and they do that? gosh. it hurts.
It is my stumble.
It is my baggage.
Its my... mind

You see I believe in God. and as much as I believe in God I have to believe in satan.
He is just as real as God is.
And we choose to act like he doesn't.... and the worst thing is ... we do the same to God.
The signs of God is there.
His words remain.
" Take courage my sons, your sins are forgiven." Matthew 9:2.
From east to the west.
He remembers no more.
And we should be the same way.
Carry on with your life.
For to long you have given to much open space in your mind, to much of your life worrying if you got it right, if people like us , if their mad at us..
For to long I have....
Not anymore.
I take back my life and give it all over to Christ.
Gods love is like a fire, and I'm like a flame.
He is burning out my impurities and He is making me new.
A new creation.

I'm making a new history for myself and leaving the old one behind.
the scars, the brokenness, the mistakes.
I choose for myself a new history
I choose to accept Gods offer of allowing Him to make me new.
I encourage you to do the same.

Friday, December 24, 2010

What it was like without you here...

Do you ever have those real life moments?
Like the kind where it seems you observe more than usual.
I had one tonight.
I was siting at the living room table eating my taco soup and I looked at my grandfather and I could tell he has gotten weaker. In his voice, face, hands, you could see life was just being drained.
I then looked at my little cousin , and she is now 2.
It just seems we all are growing up and getting old.
And honestly its something we dont give much thought too..

Now, I know you know, that everyone gets old, duh, but do you realize it?
Do you realize that probably looking back on your life you have wasted some of it?
Like worrying..
What good did that do?
Why did it matter if this person was my friend or not?
Why did I break this girls heart ?
and it that moment it seems to be the biggest deal... when the truth is ... next year .. month... or day... It doesn't mean a thing.

I have wasted tooooo much of my life on what does not matter.
Like worrying about if people like me, or if they are mad...
can I say screw that ?
Yeah, I can.
Screw that.

People, lets you and I slow down.
Lets say screw it.
I think its healthy.
What matters today is that God is good , in Him is the spirit, and through the spirit are sooooo many sweet gifts.
One of those are peace.
Im on a journey to find it.
I encourage you to do the same.
I read in Col 1 today, wait I think its 1, anywho.
In God, everything holds together.
Everything is sustained by God.
Im not wasting anymore time on the unsustainable.
God should be my one desire.
I'll encourage He'll be yours as well.

Merry Christmas.
I didn't proof read this :)
Hope it makes since. or is it sense.
I think sense.

I'm going to be an english major ha.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Open your eyes dear.


It can be such a powerful act to embrace.
It can reflect and look back, only to get dust from your past in your eye
or you can reflect momentarily on what is going on, send it a kiss, and move on.

Alot of us are stuck on what is pulling us down.
The bad boyfriend or girlfriend
the trust issues
the thought of you never falling in love
the ideas that your ideas will always be ideas.... never reality.
Dreams become factory jobs.
True love becomes giving your body to some loser who doesnt understand what it means.

Then you sit.
Sit in a puddle of sadness.
Ive sat there plenty of times, and then your afraid to try again.
Your afraid to do something different. something new. afraid to embrace the new person youve always wanted to be.

that was me.
But ive never had a boyfriend nor will I ever have one, not my style, or anything for that fact.

" Take courage, son; your sins are forgiven." Matthew 9:2

And that is that.

Yes, I will take my courage, and I will try again.
Only we can allow ourselves to fail. God wants more out of me and you.
He wants us to succeed.
For me that means being broke, happily in love, and changing lives for the love of Christ Jesus, and figuring out just what the eff am I doing here.
which is to glorify God.
Im here to love and be Loved.

Ive learned alot about myself.
Im not afraid to go.
I can be anywhere and meet anyone.
I can be happy and sad.
I long for the presence of a woman.
I confuse myself.

Ive recently took a step back and looked at everything.
I need the presence of God, only that, then good company.
No need to lie to myself and say I need a cute woman.
Even though the newest one Im hanging out with is going to be a doctor...
but am I being true to myself.
I want my difficulty to meet simplicity.
I want to lay in the floor with the tops of our heads touching , and we both wiggling our feet while we ponder on our newest thought of the marvel of God.
Ive been learning to Just Believe.
The importance of the word.
Im just now getting my hunger back for the Lord.
and it comes.... fom the courage we talked about earlier.

For anyone who reads this, if anyone does anymore,
I encourage to rediscover you.
What do you like about yourself.
Because Jesus loves everything about you.
Your awkward love handles, or freckles, or jacked up teeth.
He digs it.

Now if you are over weight, please run, it will just make you feel better, and try and be healthier ... it just makes sense :) sorry for that ha

God is not ticked at you.
God is greater than your heart and emotions.

Learn to let go.

Im learning to be honest.
honest enough that I need to let some things go...

smile .

I didnt feel like proof reading, comment if anything seems unbalanced

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Its easy to dwell.

You know..
Its easy to dwell on the bad.
And then in the good times, you float on and forget.
We all expect good, but never bad.
So this blog is gonna be about praise.
Praise that Gods love never fails.

I moved to Louisiana in August and will be returning to Starkville in January.
My time here was not in vain.
I learned to love a family.
I learned that running from your calling in life is not pleasant.
I learned that friends are truly important and you shouldnt walk through this world alone..
I learned that I was called to plant churchs.
That my passion moves fast and stays shortly.. and then it needs to move.
I was born to travel.
so, on I will travel.

I have no idea what Columbus has to offer me.
But I know its a desert place that needs the love of Christ.
And I have a passion for that place now and look forward to spreading the love of Christ.
Its gonna be tough but I know fulfilling.

God is faithful.
He hears our crys. Exodus 3.
My plan is to live out Psalm 100:3
Look that up :)

Im on journey to answer "Who do you say I am?"
Im gonna know, and I do know.
God's nature is love.
And we should and I should believe this.

All Glory honor and praise be to the everlasting and Holy God that gives us numerous chances in this life and to succeed.

Its easy to dwell on the bad, but today I'll linger in the grace of God.