It don't matter how or why.

Well...
Summer is officially here.
Yes, it is a good time to have fun and relax..
but for me it will be a time of healing.

This semester was a season of disconnect.
From God
from people
from cameron..

I have roughly 22 days before I head off to camp...
where I will pour out everything I have ...
and if I have nothing then I won't be able to pour..

I will take time for myself.
days of reading.
hiking.
thinking
praying
soul searching...

I need answers to my heart.
apart from ministry , who am I ?
apart from loving people, who am I?
what drives cameron moore..
what ruins cameron moore...

I need a new heart.
I need Gods heart.
You see, James 4 tells me , my heart is selfish..
hard , and self to even the core...

I need the Jealous love of God.
the undivided heart.
the one that is fully devoted to Christ.

this summer for me..
means the rest of my life.
I'm searching for heart change.

The sooner the better.....

Until next time.

do you know the core of you?
do you know what drives you?
is it selfish gain?
is it bitterness?
is there to much "you" in the picture?
do you .. know who you are ?

think on that

Is it true, is it true?

I remember when I first entered a relationship with Christ...
The first thing I done was say a cuss word quickly after singing along to a Pink song.
I remember starting to read the word and how weird it was...
It was me sitting in my room every night before bed, reading and praying.
I remember when I was young I had awesome faith...
I remember praying that God would take care of me, then I would let go, and then sure enough God always pulled through..
Even in my community college days He took care of me.

Somewhere along this "faith" journey I lost it.
I lost the faith that I knew God would always take care of me....
I started hanging out with realist.
They are so about whats tangible..
tell you stories of God rescuing you but you passing up the opportunity because you felt as if God who rescue you..
God never called me to security.
What have I been thinking ?
That I could possible run my life and God couldn't.
man.
I have strayed far from who I once was.

This summer I passed up an opportunity to work at a summer camp because I was worried about having a job when I got back and having enough money to pay rent when I get an apartment...
doesn't my God say He is a great provider?
doesn't He daily dress up flowers so beautifully ?
doesn't He daily provide fish with a place to swim and birds food to eat ?
how much more will He do for me?
I am His beloved creation.
Jesus died for salvation of my soul.
The flowers will fade away, but The word of God will always be here, living and active in my heart of hearts.
How do I not trust the master of the universe.

The mind set of the flesh is death, but the mindset of the spirit is peace and life Romans8:6.

My mind set changed to how I can provide..
not how He can provide.
and its left me numb..

At the seems I feel new life wanting to burst out and wanting God to be mine again but the stitching is so strong.
I'm afraid to let go again...

and see, you wouldn't understand this until you've been a person who has always been free.
Who has always allowed his faith to carry him wherever the Spirit says go too.
You wouldn't know what its like to fall, until you let go....

But I know that feeling.
I know that worried, anxious, freeing, victories feeling, knowing that My God will provide for me.
I remember it....

do you ?
have you ever experienced letting go ?

Just something to think on.

as always sorry for the typos, for the sentences that don't make sense.
I don't proof read.
so enjoy.

is it true, is it true?
could I be going away this summer?

" I stole a watermelon and a apple... thats about it."

I think its wise to sit in the counsel of an elder and allow him to speak their heart.
I mean, you not talk the whole time and allow this elder to ramble.

I figure the older you get, the more life seems dimer.
That after you accomplish everything you had set... there really is no more point to be alive than to eat, breathe, and be marry( if that is possible)

Today I had breakfast with my granddaddy.
We went to hardees and had coffee and biscuits.
Now, this is the granddaddy growing up you didn't spend much time with...
For some reasons, grandfather figures were sketchy to me growing up.
One left my maw maw to play music and race cars... along with women
and the other, the one I had breakfast with, well, we just didn't hit it off.

We talked about all kinds of things.
One thing we talked about was Jesus.
He asked me about evolution.
At this time we were done with breakfast and now walking through his flower garden.
We were looking at the tulips and they were beautiful.
Some were peppermint color and the others were white with purple strips.
I told him I believe things do evolve over time.
But energy cannot be created nor destroyed so that means big boom and everything else was ruled out, I won't go into detail for the sake of its a beautiful day outside and I'd like to be out there.
But eventually we talked about heaven.
and this was the conversation
" Grandad, do you believe you will be in heaven one day."
response " I think so, I think He may forgive me of all my sin. I remember when I got saved, I was standing in a ditch clearing out woods and the Lord slapped me in the face."
" well granddad you know you can be sure."

I just want to tell you folks, that you can be sure about your eternity.
Romans 10:9-10 says " if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and Savior you WILL BE SAVED."
" Therefore if you confess your sins before Him He is faithful and just and will forgive you of your sin." 1 john 1 :9
" Believe in the name of the Son Jesus Christ you will be saved." Acts 16: 19. Well I think its 19, I've been memorizing other scripture so that address is distant in my mind.

God 100% for sure forgives you of your sin.

As I said earlier that getting older it seems you don't have much to live for when you get older after accomplishing all your goals you set...
but ..
with Christ...
you will ALWAYS have a reason to be alive.
You will always have goals.
That is a relationship you can never complete!
It is always growing and being built.
It is a life long adventure and journey that continues as you grow.
So, even at 81, 83, 92, 14, or 21...
pursuing a relationship gives you a reason to always live and always have goals.
Never a reason to sit and wonder the end of death, when you can sit and think of the beginning of life. even at 83.

John 17:3
Eternal life is knowing God.
May you treasure it as Christ did and does.

p.s I did not proof read this, enjoy the mistakes and errors.

You are for me

I've always liked the idea of having lots of friends.
It seems, that the more friends you have the more like-able you are.
I don't think anything could be farther from the truth.....

I once was the most popular guy on campus at my community college.
Known by everyone, knew by none...
Theres a difference you see.
Knowing people is so surface level.
It is a " how are you?" with maybe no little care for the actual answer.
But to be " knewned" ha, so to be deeply known.
Stick with me, this has a clear point.

Actually.
I don't think this needs a clever written blog.

The truth is God loves you.
and there is absolutely nothing you can do for Him not to still love you
He will never forsake you in your weaknesses
Jesus once felt alone and scared and maybe emotionally drained when He was praying that God would remove the cup of suffering from Him.
But it was because He endured so much pain , that the world was saved.

You and I will struggle.
May we stop, you and I and look toward Christ.
and simply wait.
and know that He is for us and He will never leave us.

I will worship You...

Its not that I should be lonely

Its not that I shouldn't feel unloved

Its not that I should feel like I need the flesh of a woman

Its that I SHOULD be so satisfied with the love God has for me.
We we draw close He draws so close. Draw near to me, and I'll draw near to you James 4:8
He wants to be so near...
and its in His presence that healing
peace
grace
forgiveness
new life
is found.

Its in His word that plants in our hearts to spring us and make us what beauty we are.

How have I looked over this?
How have I looked over that I was made... MADE to worship?
God wants us to worship Him because He loves our voice... He just .. loves.

May I be drenched in the love of Christ.

For lent I have decided for 30 days to listen to nothing but worship music.

It is moving.
It is bringing me to a place of deep repentance.
To a place of just ... wholeness.
And healing.

Jesus loves us.
carries the weight of my sin and yours and the whole world.
Can we love Him as He loves us.
That is what I will strive for.

Some people call me Cadillac or anything smooth cause I'm nice. But you can call me Billy

Today as I was in starbucks getting my pike blend tall coffee to start my day off right after having two chicken and biscuits with strawberry jelly and some water while reading 1 John 2:1-3

" My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.
He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands."

I see this man on the way out on Starbucks...
He isn't dressed like a student or your typical adult.
I knew then .. he was homeless.
Not just for the way he was dressed... well.. you'd have to see him.

I walked out and it hit me...
buy him a coffee...
I said no... and kept walking..

I made it to the stairs until I said okay Lord.

Long story short I bought this man a grande black coffee, biggest one they had
sorry mom, we make money to bless others.
Anyways..
I bought this man coffee and took him to the creamer and sugar and told him he could put whatever he wants in it.

At the end I told him
God Bless.
Because He does.

He blessed me.

I want to know the commands of Christ live in me.
and I want to know I am not above anyone.

Go back up and read 1 John 2:1-3
Jesus died for my sins
and billy's also.
That makes us equal.
Our social class or age or color should not separate us.
and it didn't in that moment.

I am a great sinner..... with a GREAT SAVIOR.
Bigger than my sin.
And That makes me grateful and I should be more so.

I don't write this to boast or show off for me...
I write to tell you.
You are not better than anyone.
We are all sinners who are in need of a savior.
So you might as well start noticing people and praying that God would live in you and out of the over flow of Him living in you , you attempt to live out His commands.

You and I was once just dirt....
but God makes beautiful things out of the dirt.

Start noticing your neighbors...
They might come in the form of a Cadillac ... or the form of you.

Love, Discerns.

2 points of advice I look back and see why I should have accepted it and put it into practice sooner then what I did.

1. Grow up
2. Responsibility . Because it makes a man.

My whole life, my whole goal, my ... identity.... was loving people.
I've always just wanted to reach out to everyone. Men and Women alike.
I wanted anyone who sat in my company to feel as if they are the most special and important person at that moment.
I wanted to over tell them " I love you."
I wanted to complament them in abundance.
I wanted to reassure them of their good points... not their insecurities.
I want to give people what I always felt I wanted.....

1 John 4:16-18 says
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us in that we will have confidence on this day of judgment because in this world we are like Him. There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment . The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Maybe. As I reflect inward. That I am not made perfect complete in love.
In the persence of Christ, I don't think anyone felt that He was sketchy and His motives were wrong. I think in His presence He was honest, and discerning.

I think maybe I've over looked discernment.
I think I over looked relying on the love and power of Christ.
how did I, cameron moore, ever think I could accomplish anything on my own. By my power.
What filled me with false security and pride that I thought I knew how to love people.

Who am I to say I know how to love.
I have no idea what scarifice means.
I have no idea what it means to come into a world you loved, become man for man, and be rejected and crucified.
only .... to see.. that your bride still rejects you.

I have no idea of perfect love
I have no thoughts
I have no heart or mind to begin to understand the love the Father has for me.

What have I been doing this whole time?
Hinding behind the excuse of " I'm loving people"
when really I was hurting people.
Love comes and has to come with discernment.

What love doesn't come with knowledge.
Jesus knew what was in man, but loved them anyway.
He was knowledgeable and discerned His actions.
Sometimes after loving a person and healing them, He told them to go away and be healed and tell no one.
Why do I feel as if I can pull people back and forth and feel as if I can heal them.
So here it is.

Identity crisis.
Its funny because I remember tons of talks that I've had with people about finding themselves in Christ and here I am ... 20 going on 21 ...
and I'm starting over with finding my identity.
Better now to find myself in Christ than never.

" But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we HAVE fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin." 1 John 1:7

So here it is.

If I walk in the light I don't have to worry about if I will be loving people because walking in Him means fellowship with others and confidence to rely on the love of Christ.
So for me.

I don't have to show out .
I don't have to make it a point to love folks.
It will just come as I draw near to Christ.
After all, we are a reflection of our relationship with Him.

" And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with KNOWLEDGE and all DISCERNMENT." Phil 1:9.

Love isn't always empty complements or flirting..
matter of fact it isnt at all.
Sometimes its telling people what they don't want to hear and letting the Spirit of Christ do the rest.
Maybe its today that I start to better understand its not I who can do anything...
but Its Gods word that built mountains, healed the sick, cleansed us of our debt.

So as a new creation I see what I do know.
I once hated Jesus. I was an enemy. I was separated.
But while I was still a sinner, He became sin and died for me even though He came only to love and invite people into a relationship with the Father.
I see there is no fear in the Love of God.
that in Him is rest and fellowship.
and as I draw near, I will live out His will for my life.
I see that in God there is peace.
I see there is grace.
I see I need to know His word.

I'm learning.
I'm growing.
and I'm figuring out who I am....
but only in Christ and for Christ and through... Christ.

that is all for today.