I failed to give you everything in me.

Once.
One time I met a girl that I really liked.
In everyway she adds up perfectly.
She loved me for everything I was and am.
She had a beautiful heart and soul, I've never met such a person with a servants heart.
But as usual I throw that to the wind.

I'm going to take time.
This is a time for me to really learn Cameron, but more importantly learn Jesus.
I need time to mature.
I need to time to learn to commit to someone whos not a stranger.

I have this remarkable ability to love someone Ive never met....
but for anyone who gets close to me....... I push away

I talk about love alot
I know what love is
I just don't understand faith.
I think once I believe and do away with doubt then I will know..
I'm ready to know.
No doubts, no questions, just honest real know.

This week one of my really good friends passed away
he was the most beautiful man
He showed the love of Christ so deeply.
He had a even heart.
Solid through and through.

I read in mark 3 today for a household to not be divided
for a man with a divided heart is unstable in all of his ways.
Im tired of being like this.
I'm tired of not knowing things in my heart.
My mind needs to stick with something.
and I honestly feel like when I meet the one
I'll just know
at least thats what I hope for.
I can have love like the movies.
I just have to find the girl to have those movie moments with.
I think I'll get to a point where I know I can date.
But until then Im going to live out this life ahead of me.
I'm going to fall into the arms of grace and discover Christ.

No more divided heart.
But from now on
undivided

I'm on a journey to find Cameron
and I have a great feeling about this
I've already made a big sacrifice
from here its me staying steady

Once again,
Ive failed to give you everything in me
but this time
I have a different heart and attitude.

Im due for a really good blog entry
But for now, my thoughts
and whatever I feel

goodnight people
I love you