Numb

At this point I don't think anyone can relate to me.....

I think the worst feeling is being so bitter and discounted.
And the honesty of it could be from me not really connecting with Christ this past week, He is the love of my life and I think anyone with any love in there life after a week of no communication would feel dry and irritated.

I have to play a show tonight and I could care less to play it
but at the same time this could be a good way to get out whats on the inside
I dont care if I mess up or not do good
Music probably wont be my profession, I enjoy speaking and connecting with folks
thats the whole point of me playing music.
So why am I so stressed.
I have been so ugly these past few weeks
my heart is hard
no tears .... or nothing
my heart is a freakin stone.
and it sucks.

Its raining outside and its gray and cloudy..
I really think that weather has an effect on mood
cause right now I feel like nothing matters
My walk with Christ, my music, my love for people
how did I get to this place?
I dont want to stay here.
It is the worst way you can feel
numb...

My feelings have been full of lies.
I have just been throwing useless words here lately
I dont think honestly anyone will ever really love me
I probably wont get married.
Im complicated, and as far as I can see down my road, I wont be changing.
Oh, how I want to change

" Love is an ocean wide."
I guess Im stuck on the shore