Trading

So I've traded..

Trading over the course of history has been a sufficient way of survival...
chicken for veggies.... veggies for milk.....milk for tools.....tools for labor etc.
At a point trading was an important way of life.
Have you ever heard the saying "trick of the trade"
Sometimes in this exchange you would get tricked and end up with something you never wanted....

I have traded the truth of Christ Jesus for a trick..
Romans 1:21 " For though they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God or show Him gratitude. Instead, their thinking became nonsense, and their senseless minds were darkened."

I know, I know God..
He has been so close to me since I was 13 and probably before then.
He has been calling me and pursuing me even before that it seems like.
Lately God has been taking care of me...
I was so stressed about working, making money, finding a job, and in the same day I cried out to God " God listen to me, I need money and I need help, I give you my life and trust you." in the next hour I was cutting grass at a friends house.
Why is it that this big God cares so much to prove Himself to me and why can't I, as a small human believe His who He says He is?
The book of Romans is were I've been camping out..
Its all about saved through grace by faith, by faith this, by faith that
I'm lacking!!!
Faith, I need to just be it and be in it!
Its a easy free gift that I make to complicated.
I want to goodness of God and have peace in my heart.

Where has my thoughts gone....
It seems like I cant meditate on the word anymore
that my thoughts are blocked.
and as I sit here and pray and think about it, I realize that I can't further my knowledge in Christ because I don't enjoy it.
I have traded my natural desire for Christ in for this fake empty one.
I need to be renewed.


God,
I cant pray in my head and I'm in barnes and noble so accept my prayer as I feel the need to type this out. Lord, make me new. I'm so tired of not trusting, not enjoying you. Daddy, I want to want you and to love you, and I know You desire me and You love me so whats the problem? Lord, God, Father, Lover of my soul, Romancer, King, hear my cry to you. Give me peace in this uneasy feeling and this aching heart that is just a stone. Revel what I need to change by the power of the holy spirit and let me enjoy You!!! Let me enjoy love, let me enjoy loving others. change me!!!!

I have no idea who You are..
so let this start our relationship
Its not about what I have to do but what You have done