so it has started...

Its not something I want to think about...
I don't even want it coming into my mind..
but its unavoidable...

John 21 Jesus looks Peter in his eyes and says " and someone else will tie you and carry you where you don't want to go."

Jesus tells Peter...... that he will die for the glory of Jesus.

My mind is filled with this as I finish the book the barbarian way.
I find myself finding the real point of life.
Jesus didnt save me to bring me to a life of comfort... of fluffy pillows and soft beds but one that requires me to carry a cross, to wherever I need to carry it too.

Its hard letting that sink in my head.
That it might not be my purpose to ever see marriage, a job, or the age of 40.
but its also hard to deal with the thought of being just another "christian"
who watchs the world cry its self to sleep because they didnt share the love of God with someone.

I'm currently going to Mississippi state for college and I dont like it not one bit.
People, I mean everyone up here talks about each other..
I recently even caught my best friend talking about me.
I cant stand it here...
It seems like no one is real... no one is searching..
but at the same time I'm so drawn to this place.
Its amazing the chances Jesus took on people.
He was so hated but He even found time to sit at a well and meet with the broken..
to ask of others that spit on Him..
He even found time to die for these people...
I to hope my life can be lived in a manner that these people can see the trueness of Christ.

I have dreams ya know
and the top of the list is to fall in love, but Im slowly starting to see that my happyness is not the point, the point is to win souls for God.
He is seeking people that would seek Him, and all it takes is someone saying yes to the call.

I've never been the cheesy Christian who said thinsg like " Im ready for the Lord to come back." cause Im not
I love life.
But I'm slowly starting to become someone that wishs we could all worship together.
Everyone needs Christ and learning this is so new.

done for tonight.