Sunday, January 23, 2011

Oh my stars.

I need secrets.

Have you ever felt bear?
Like you have poured out so much of yourself that you've actually lost apart of yourself?

There was times in my life that I poured into women..
Countless, numerous, amounts of women.
I would share so many secrets and deep feelings, very few, well, maybe one or 2 that got the real deepness of me.
But things didn't work with them due to me not being at peace with myself.

Have you ever tried to fall in love ?
It doesn't work.
Trying to give yourself away , empty-less pouring into the opposite sex in search of something that should come so natural.
I think the longing for someone to reach you is something you shouldn't search for...
but something that comes to you..
I don't believe in "falling in love"
cause you fall out..
I believe in growing...
but I also believe in those toe standing, emotional racing, heart pounding moments in which you find the person that makes you .... better.. well....
complements you.
That someone, fits you.

Before I lend my heart to any one else..
I will understand it.
I will have secrets.
I will have passions and desires that I don't share with anyone.
Music I listen to for myself.
Songs I sing that no one will hear.
Because there mine.
I want intimacy with Christ that speaks for its self.
I want to be full of life and joy.... knowing that I'm not cheating myself... or anyone else.
If you want to hang out, yes lets, but you will receive none of my charm.
No more will I easily lease my heart.
Yes, I am an open book, but every book has "out cuts" that didn't make it, and words that should have been.
I plan to still love people and pour into them, but I also plan on protecting my heart.
And having secrets.
Something thats mine that you don't know.
and saving that for someone special.

be encouraged. be yourself.