Thursday, June 24, 2010

Love Story

I long for intimacy with a woman.
It seems like ever since I made the choice to not kiss till I get married, its enhanced and de-hanced.
I know that sounds crazy and don't make sense but allow me to explain.
I haven't been on a date in foreverrrrrrrr or even hung out with a girl with intentions of date and that feels great but I still have this longing for touch, to talk, and share.
But this is were the tables turn and I see a whole new side of God.
I've never told God that even though I'm a virgin, I long for the touch of my wife even though I don't even know if I'll see tomorrow...
I think about these things.
I just felt its best to just be open and tell God how you feel and allow the healing.

I've decided to be so open with God, and allowing Him to be my intimate wife as He romances me with scripture.
For any readers, which isn't many who may be opposed to my openness, I write these things because I feel God wants me to share it, that its a easy way to write how I feel and get it out, I keep what I need to be personal personal, and what needs to be shared needs to be shared.
So as I share..
I challenge( which I think is a dumb word) wait.. I want you to reshape and rethink
the love you want to find one day.
The what you look for, the what he or she looks like, and to see how much in compatible they are with Christ
in simpler terms
How much your person looks like Christ.
If Christ is our true love and our boyfriend and girlfriend don't model that then how can love ever be intimate? or whole?

I feel this raging drive to be closer to God.
I feel like the time I'm spending now isn't enough, there needs to be an hour of prayer behind a closed door of me crying out and enjoying it.

eff I just spilled coffee on my bed and my love handle ha
caution: wear a shirt when you drink coffee, it might burn your love handle, if you have some.

I think You God for my ups and downs with You, for letting me come back time and time again, for letting my mind think to deep and be doubtful, because I know you love what comes after that. Forgive me of the times I want to give up on you. I just stress myself out sometimes, I pray You always bring relief. Bring me peace. I love You. Meet me here and now. In Jesus name and by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Father lover, come be the inside of me God lets be in a passionate love that consumes each other in the most romantic way! God let me love and cherish you above all things be my treasure , I pray that you transform my heart and mind and as I feel your Holy Spirit take over I pray Your word becomes my food and that you be my daddy and flame, let me die for you daily and for ever. If you want me to change the world and you have great plans for me let me live them out. Take me over and baptize me with the Holy Spirit and set me on fire and love differently, I have no idea what else to say you have my heart God you re beautiful forgive me for forsaken you, this is my prayer God, I type it out and worship you right now in the mighty name of Jesus. I clam all of this in the mighty name of jesus christ and by the power of the holy spirit! amen

You won't relent until You have it all
My heart is Yours
You won't relent until You have it all
My heart is Yours

I'll set You as a seal upon my heart
As a seal upon my arm
For there is love that is as strong as death
Jealousy, demanding as the grave
Many waters cannot quench this love

You won't relent until You have it all
My heart is Yours
You won't relent until You have it all
My heart is Yours

I'll set You as a seal upon my heart
As a seal upon my arm
For there is love that is as strong as death
Jealousy, demanding as the grave
Many waters cannot quench this love

Waters cannot quench this love
You won't relent until You have it all
My heart is Yours
Waters cannot quench this love
You won't relent until You have it all
My heart is Yours

Come be the fire inside of me
Come be the flame upon my heart
Come be the fire inside of me
Until You and I are one

Friday, June 18, 2010

Where is love?

I've come to a point were...

I either dive into the realness and explore the richness of Christ or turn back...

but there is no going back

Saturday, June 12, 2010

No more sugar


A few weeks ago my friend/pastor spoke on lust in Matthew Chapter 5.
Jesus says in this chapter " that its better to cut off your hand then your whole body be thrown into hell."
Now, why would Jesus say such a profound thing?!?!

It goes much deeper than what you read.
Jesus is stressing a huge point to us.
That this is urgent and must be done.
That its so important.
Sex is so much more then physical touch.
It is a spiritual bond... it is giving your whole self to someone.
Sex is not just sex but rather letting someone know your soul.

I recently been thinking on my past and reflecting and thought I would share.
Because I know honestly this is a struggle for most people but it is a very hush hush topic.

So I'll start..

I am still a virgin
but if halves count then I am.

I first messed up sexually when I was 18.
My first year of college in January.
I remember it like it was yesterday ...
It was with someone I didn't really like.. and she really played with my mind.
It was my first time to ever be in such a hot situation.
True love waits was such a big passion of mine since I got the ring when I was 15!
I thought about the day I would look my true love, my beautiful wife in the eyes and tell her
" All I am is yours."
That I could honestly say she is the first to experience my body and the first that I shared my soul with.
Unfortunately that isn't the case anymore.
I felt so empty
so used and disgusted
I felt lost and that I lost something that I could never find or regain.

Have you ever gone through this?
Have you ever had sex and laid there feeling used and lost
that maybe you were forced ..
maybe you only done it because that someone said I love you
you felt hurt and ashamed?

I think Jesus knew we would..
that thats the reason he made such a harsh point.
John 15 talks about remaining is His love, remaining in His perfect will...
Maybe He wrote that chapter because He knew the world would leave us feeling so used and hurt and broken.
Maybe thats way he says 1 Thessalonians 4:3 says " For it is God's will that you be holy and avoid sexual immortality ."
I memorized this verse.
That its better to just avoid it
because when " it" happens" something is going change.
That we are going to share everything with someone and it shouldn't just be just a anybody.
because everyone reading this I'm sure can relate to feeling used and getting their hearts broken
Maybe thats way Jesus wants us to remain in Him.
That the world is going to hurt us.... but there is peace and fullness in His love.
There is grace that covers all of your shame.
God really heals those who come to Him and walk with Him.
Its part of the love package deal ha

Sex is such a .... special item I feel

When I do these things I feel like I'm dehumanizing myself.
I hate the fact that I've kissed numerous women and deep down I felt like it was just another thing to do, a check off a list, and that is so sad. But then there was the ones that.... nevermind... anyways
Women deserve to be treated sooo much better then a kiss and a see ya bye.
It seems sex has become a empty body movement driven by lust.. and honestly where is the beauty in that..
and for the record for everyone who found out about me messing up and talked about me at Northeast and didn't care to help me that are so called " christians" thanks. NOT!
You could have came and prayed for me instead of running your mouth :)
I love you and forgive you and you know who you are.

so after much prayer and thinking...
I have decided...

To not kiss until I get married.

And I know what your thinking.... Your Cameron Moore yeah right
You don't know Cameron Moore.
For my desire is to be pure again and to fall madly in love with Jesus and to madly fall in love with a woman one day who desires my all.
I recently have talked to alot of older married men and
some of them talked so demeaning of their wives.
No offense to you guys.
But I really think of love in such a movie way
and your negative comments arn't needed.
My love life can be however I make it.
I want the freakin fairytale stuff ya know?

My point isn't to write and say "you who are having sex blah blah blah..... "
but rather me saying I have a problem
I was someone who struggled with looking at naked women.

I'm tired of going on dates and pretending and forcing something to happen that may never.
It is sooooo pointless.
Now for you, Im not saying you shouldnt date or not kiss
I'm just saying its just not for me at the moment.
Because overtime it becomes just a ordinary thing.
And women are so beautiful and shouldn't be looked at like as if they are nothing but a sleep tool, but rather something of beauty.

Whoever my life partner is out there, I don't ever want to look on another woman and say what if....
I'm sick of divorce rate.

I want real love with real passion.
so I chose to wait and not kiss till I get married
Its going to be hard, trying at times but I'm really goin try this.
Cause the truth is I love women. Love em
epically black women ;)

I write this out of honesty of my heart and know that by posting this many are goin read my secrets.
But I write for the ones who are to scared to admit this.
If you have this problem and want help
message me
lets talk
I'll tell you how I've started to overcome.
or you want to ask me about anything ....ask away.

Allie Kriss thanks for sending me that verse.
You are freakin awesome!

Hey I love you

Monday, June 7, 2010

I was going to write a new one
I decided not to
Go read the bible or spend time with your parents or walk around outside