Saturday, June 12, 2010

No more sugar


A few weeks ago my friend/pastor spoke on lust in Matthew Chapter 5.
Jesus says in this chapter " that its better to cut off your hand then your whole body be thrown into hell."
Now, why would Jesus say such a profound thing?!?!

It goes much deeper than what you read.
Jesus is stressing a huge point to us.
That this is urgent and must be done.
That its so important.
Sex is so much more then physical touch.
It is a spiritual bond... it is giving your whole self to someone.
Sex is not just sex but rather letting someone know your soul.

I recently been thinking on my past and reflecting and thought I would share.
Because I know honestly this is a struggle for most people but it is a very hush hush topic.

So I'll start..

I am still a virgin
but if halves count then I am.

I first messed up sexually when I was 18.
My first year of college in January.
I remember it like it was yesterday ...
It was with someone I didn't really like.. and she really played with my mind.
It was my first time to ever be in such a hot situation.
True love waits was such a big passion of mine since I got the ring when I was 15!
I thought about the day I would look my true love, my beautiful wife in the eyes and tell her
" All I am is yours."
That I could honestly say she is the first to experience my body and the first that I shared my soul with.
Unfortunately that isn't the case anymore.
I felt so empty
so used and disgusted
I felt lost and that I lost something that I could never find or regain.

Have you ever gone through this?
Have you ever had sex and laid there feeling used and lost
that maybe you were forced ..
maybe you only done it because that someone said I love you
you felt hurt and ashamed?

I think Jesus knew we would..
that thats the reason he made such a harsh point.
John 15 talks about remaining is His love, remaining in His perfect will...
Maybe He wrote that chapter because He knew the world would leave us feeling so used and hurt and broken.
Maybe thats way he says 1 Thessalonians 4:3 says " For it is God's will that you be holy and avoid sexual immortality ."
I memorized this verse.
That its better to just avoid it
because when " it" happens" something is going change.
That we are going to share everything with someone and it shouldn't just be just a anybody.
because everyone reading this I'm sure can relate to feeling used and getting their hearts broken
Maybe thats way Jesus wants us to remain in Him.
That the world is going to hurt us.... but there is peace and fullness in His love.
There is grace that covers all of your shame.
God really heals those who come to Him and walk with Him.
Its part of the love package deal ha

Sex is such a .... special item I feel

When I do these things I feel like I'm dehumanizing myself.
I hate the fact that I've kissed numerous women and deep down I felt like it was just another thing to do, a check off a list, and that is so sad. But then there was the ones that.... nevermind... anyways
Women deserve to be treated sooo much better then a kiss and a see ya bye.
It seems sex has become a empty body movement driven by lust.. and honestly where is the beauty in that..
and for the record for everyone who found out about me messing up and talked about me at Northeast and didn't care to help me that are so called " christians" thanks. NOT!
You could have came and prayed for me instead of running your mouth :)
I love you and forgive you and you know who you are.

so after much prayer and thinking...
I have decided...

To not kiss until I get married.

And I know what your thinking.... Your Cameron Moore yeah right
You don't know Cameron Moore.
For my desire is to be pure again and to fall madly in love with Jesus and to madly fall in love with a woman one day who desires my all.
I recently have talked to alot of older married men and
some of them talked so demeaning of their wives.
No offense to you guys.
But I really think of love in such a movie way
and your negative comments arn't needed.
My love life can be however I make it.
I want the freakin fairytale stuff ya know?

My point isn't to write and say "you who are having sex blah blah blah..... "
but rather me saying I have a problem
I was someone who struggled with looking at naked women.

I'm tired of going on dates and pretending and forcing something to happen that may never.
It is sooooo pointless.
Now for you, Im not saying you shouldnt date or not kiss
I'm just saying its just not for me at the moment.
Because overtime it becomes just a ordinary thing.
And women are so beautiful and shouldn't be looked at like as if they are nothing but a sleep tool, but rather something of beauty.

Whoever my life partner is out there, I don't ever want to look on another woman and say what if....
I'm sick of divorce rate.

I want real love with real passion.
so I chose to wait and not kiss till I get married
Its going to be hard, trying at times but I'm really goin try this.
Cause the truth is I love women. Love em
epically black women ;)

I write this out of honesty of my heart and know that by posting this many are goin read my secrets.
But I write for the ones who are to scared to admit this.
If you have this problem and want help
message me
lets talk
I'll tell you how I've started to overcome.
or you want to ask me about anything ....ask away.

Allie Kriss thanks for sending me that verse.
You are freakin awesome!

Hey I love you

1 comment:

  1. Dude... thank you so much for being honest. I am going through reading these posts and you have absolutely no idea how God is using them to minister to me. Thanks for being obedient to share this stuff. Love you brosky!