It don't matter how or why.

Well...
Summer is officially here.
Yes, it is a good time to have fun and relax..
but for me it will be a time of healing.

This semester was a season of disconnect.
From God
from people
from cameron..

I have roughly 22 days before I head off to camp...
where I will pour out everything I have ...
and if I have nothing then I won't be able to pour..

I will take time for myself.
days of reading.
hiking.
thinking
praying
soul searching...

I need answers to my heart.
apart from ministry , who am I ?
apart from loving people, who am I?
what drives cameron moore..
what ruins cameron moore...

I need a new heart.
I need Gods heart.
You see, James 4 tells me , my heart is selfish..
hard , and self to even the core...

I need the Jealous love of God.
the undivided heart.
the one that is fully devoted to Christ.

this summer for me..
means the rest of my life.
I'm searching for heart change.

The sooner the better.....

Until next time.

do you know the core of you?
do you know what drives you?
is it selfish gain?
is it bitterness?
is there to much "you" in the picture?
do you .. know who you are ?

think on that

Is it true, is it true?

I remember when I first entered a relationship with Christ...
The first thing I done was say a cuss word quickly after singing along to a Pink song.
I remember starting to read the word and how weird it was...
It was me sitting in my room every night before bed, reading and praying.
I remember when I was young I had awesome faith...
I remember praying that God would take care of me, then I would let go, and then sure enough God always pulled through..
Even in my community college days He took care of me.

Somewhere along this "faith" journey I lost it.
I lost the faith that I knew God would always take care of me....
I started hanging out with realist.
They are so about whats tangible..
tell you stories of God rescuing you but you passing up the opportunity because you felt as if God who rescue you..
God never called me to security.
What have I been thinking ?
That I could possible run my life and God couldn't.
man.
I have strayed far from who I once was.

This summer I passed up an opportunity to work at a summer camp because I was worried about having a job when I got back and having enough money to pay rent when I get an apartment...
doesn't my God say He is a great provider?
doesn't He daily dress up flowers so beautifully ?
doesn't He daily provide fish with a place to swim and birds food to eat ?
how much more will He do for me?
I am His beloved creation.
Jesus died for salvation of my soul.
The flowers will fade away, but The word of God will always be here, living and active in my heart of hearts.
How do I not trust the master of the universe.

The mind set of the flesh is death, but the mindset of the spirit is peace and life Romans8:6.

My mind set changed to how I can provide..
not how He can provide.
and its left me numb..

At the seems I feel new life wanting to burst out and wanting God to be mine again but the stitching is so strong.
I'm afraid to let go again...

and see, you wouldn't understand this until you've been a person who has always been free.
Who has always allowed his faith to carry him wherever the Spirit says go too.
You wouldn't know what its like to fall, until you let go....

But I know that feeling.
I know that worried, anxious, freeing, victories feeling, knowing that My God will provide for me.
I remember it....

do you ?
have you ever experienced letting go ?

Just something to think on.

as always sorry for the typos, for the sentences that don't make sense.
I don't proof read.
so enjoy.

is it true, is it true?
could I be going away this summer?

" I stole a watermelon and a apple... thats about it."

I think its wise to sit in the counsel of an elder and allow him to speak their heart.
I mean, you not talk the whole time and allow this elder to ramble.

I figure the older you get, the more life seems dimer.
That after you accomplish everything you had set... there really is no more point to be alive than to eat, breathe, and be marry( if that is possible)

Today I had breakfast with my granddaddy.
We went to hardees and had coffee and biscuits.
Now, this is the granddaddy growing up you didn't spend much time with...
For some reasons, grandfather figures were sketchy to me growing up.
One left my maw maw to play music and race cars... along with women
and the other, the one I had breakfast with, well, we just didn't hit it off.

We talked about all kinds of things.
One thing we talked about was Jesus.
He asked me about evolution.
At this time we were done with breakfast and now walking through his flower garden.
We were looking at the tulips and they were beautiful.
Some were peppermint color and the others were white with purple strips.
I told him I believe things do evolve over time.
But energy cannot be created nor destroyed so that means big boom and everything else was ruled out, I won't go into detail for the sake of its a beautiful day outside and I'd like to be out there.
But eventually we talked about heaven.
and this was the conversation
" Grandad, do you believe you will be in heaven one day."
response " I think so, I think He may forgive me of all my sin. I remember when I got saved, I was standing in a ditch clearing out woods and the Lord slapped me in the face."
" well granddad you know you can be sure."

I just want to tell you folks, that you can be sure about your eternity.
Romans 10:9-10 says " if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and Savior you WILL BE SAVED."
" Therefore if you confess your sins before Him He is faithful and just and will forgive you of your sin." 1 john 1 :9
" Believe in the name of the Son Jesus Christ you will be saved." Acts 16: 19. Well I think its 19, I've been memorizing other scripture so that address is distant in my mind.

God 100% for sure forgives you of your sin.

As I said earlier that getting older it seems you don't have much to live for when you get older after accomplishing all your goals you set...
but ..
with Christ...
you will ALWAYS have a reason to be alive.
You will always have goals.
That is a relationship you can never complete!
It is always growing and being built.
It is a life long adventure and journey that continues as you grow.
So, even at 81, 83, 92, 14, or 21...
pursuing a relationship gives you a reason to always live and always have goals.
Never a reason to sit and wonder the end of death, when you can sit and think of the beginning of life. even at 83.

John 17:3
Eternal life is knowing God.
May you treasure it as Christ did and does.

p.s I did not proof read this, enjoy the mistakes and errors.