Is it true, is it true?

I remember when I first entered a relationship with Christ...
The first thing I done was say a cuss word quickly after singing along to a Pink song.
I remember starting to read the word and how weird it was...
It was me sitting in my room every night before bed, reading and praying.
I remember when I was young I had awesome faith...
I remember praying that God would take care of me, then I would let go, and then sure enough God always pulled through..
Even in my community college days He took care of me.

Somewhere along this "faith" journey I lost it.
I lost the faith that I knew God would always take care of me....
I started hanging out with realist.
They are so about whats tangible..
tell you stories of God rescuing you but you passing up the opportunity because you felt as if God who rescue you..
God never called me to security.
What have I been thinking ?
That I could possible run my life and God couldn't.
man.
I have strayed far from who I once was.

This summer I passed up an opportunity to work at a summer camp because I was worried about having a job when I got back and having enough money to pay rent when I get an apartment...
doesn't my God say He is a great provider?
doesn't He daily dress up flowers so beautifully ?
doesn't He daily provide fish with a place to swim and birds food to eat ?
how much more will He do for me?
I am His beloved creation.
Jesus died for salvation of my soul.
The flowers will fade away, but The word of God will always be here, living and active in my heart of hearts.
How do I not trust the master of the universe.

The mind set of the flesh is death, but the mindset of the spirit is peace and life Romans8:6.

My mind set changed to how I can provide..
not how He can provide.
and its left me numb..

At the seems I feel new life wanting to burst out and wanting God to be mine again but the stitching is so strong.
I'm afraid to let go again...

and see, you wouldn't understand this until you've been a person who has always been free.
Who has always allowed his faith to carry him wherever the Spirit says go too.
You wouldn't know what its like to fall, until you let go....

But I know that feeling.
I know that worried, anxious, freeing, victories feeling, knowing that My God will provide for me.
I remember it....

do you ?
have you ever experienced letting go ?

Just something to think on.

as always sorry for the typos, for the sentences that don't make sense.
I don't proof read.
so enjoy.

is it true, is it true?
could I be going away this summer?