Turn it off in all my spite.

No wonder why Jesus taught so much about "denying ourselves" or " selfishness"
Because within each human being is pride... and pride produces arrogance.... and self worth...
As in you start seeing yourself better than what you are and better than others...

I won't ever forget the time I got offered a job to go model in Nashville Tn for a few clothing companies.
I felt like that was my "big ticket" the one that would set me off toward acting and modeling and money... and fame.
And to a since even now I feel like I could have.
I feel honestly with the connections I've made and my drive to meet people I could have done anything.
instead I accepted Christ when I was 13 years old and lived a life of selflessness.. or tried to as best I could.

Even at work now I meet sooooo many women who tell me things such as " your hott" etc.
And in all reality what 21 year old male wouldn't let that go straight to his head.
I remember looking back on my "dating career" and remembering all the girls that I had to call it off with because they wanted to have sex, and thats just not what I believed in.

So, I wonder...
what would it look like to find perfection in pride?
What if I modeled, acted, had tons of sex with women, or was a lawyer or whatever.
what would my life look like?

I elevate myself today because these are the very thoughts I've had all day after a very unique conversation with a young lady today.

I know myself pretty well... and I'm very emotions driven.
assuming I would be if I didn't have Christ...
I bet I would feel empty..
lonely
depressed to worst extents...
I would probably wonder whats missing...

but on the flip side I wonder now.
What if, just like a switch, I could turn off the person I was and what I believed and thought as if I never met Christ.
Would all the fame and sex leave me empty?
would I finally let people stop walking on me ?
would I be as popular as I use to be...

Sometimes I think about how much money movie stars make, the fame, etc. and I feel like I could obtain that...
I could have that and be that
but then , what for ?

john 7 and 6
Talks about Jesus doing Gods will.
and if we do anything on our honor it is for our glory.
Anyone who seeks selfish gain for himself cannot live for Christ.
Because it is entirely against everything Jesus taught.
Jesus called us to be servants to others, put others before ourselves....
so if I was to look for perfection in pride I would be disconnected from Christ...

I look here lately and see a pattern of this pride and selfish gain....
No wonder why I struggle so much, I cant be in Gods will if I'm seeking my will or to be in my will.

So to see nothing in the light..
I'll pass.
I enjoy the small things.
Sex with one woman sounds just fine. One real love right there.
To be a model? na, I like my janked up teeth and love handles and mustache.

This was just something on my mind.
nothing to moving.
just a little write in my ole blog.
maybe this is you friend ?
You wondering why you feel out of Gods will?
well, hve you been in yours ?
You can't live to gain glory for yourself and Christ.
decide what you want.

I choose to be the bride of an eternity groom.
Love ever lasting:).