Numb

At this point I don't think anyone can relate to me.....

I think the worst feeling is being so bitter and discounted.
And the honesty of it could be from me not really connecting with Christ this past week, He is the love of my life and I think anyone with any love in there life after a week of no communication would feel dry and irritated.

I have to play a show tonight and I could care less to play it
but at the same time this could be a good way to get out whats on the inside
I dont care if I mess up or not do good
Music probably wont be my profession, I enjoy speaking and connecting with folks
thats the whole point of me playing music.
So why am I so stressed.
I have been so ugly these past few weeks
my heart is hard
no tears .... or nothing
my heart is a freakin stone.
and it sucks.

Its raining outside and its gray and cloudy..
I really think that weather has an effect on mood
cause right now I feel like nothing matters
My walk with Christ, my music, my love for people
how did I get to this place?
I dont want to stay here.
It is the worst way you can feel
numb...

My feelings have been full of lies.
I have just been throwing useless words here lately
I dont think honestly anyone will ever really love me
I probably wont get married.
Im complicated, and as far as I can see down my road, I wont be changing.
Oh, how I want to change

" Love is an ocean wide."
I guess Im stuck on the shore

I failed to give you everything in me.

Once.
One time I met a girl that I really liked.
In everyway she adds up perfectly.
She loved me for everything I was and am.
She had a beautiful heart and soul, I've never met such a person with a servants heart.
But as usual I throw that to the wind.

I'm going to take time.
This is a time for me to really learn Cameron, but more importantly learn Jesus.
I need time to mature.
I need to time to learn to commit to someone whos not a stranger.

I have this remarkable ability to love someone Ive never met....
but for anyone who gets close to me....... I push away

I talk about love alot
I know what love is
I just don't understand faith.
I think once I believe and do away with doubt then I will know..
I'm ready to know.
No doubts, no questions, just honest real know.

This week one of my really good friends passed away
he was the most beautiful man
He showed the love of Christ so deeply.
He had a even heart.
Solid through and through.

I read in mark 3 today for a household to not be divided
for a man with a divided heart is unstable in all of his ways.
Im tired of being like this.
I'm tired of not knowing things in my heart.
My mind needs to stick with something.
and I honestly feel like when I meet the one
I'll just know
at least thats what I hope for.
I can have love like the movies.
I just have to find the girl to have those movie moments with.
I think I'll get to a point where I know I can date.
But until then Im going to live out this life ahead of me.
I'm going to fall into the arms of grace and discover Christ.

No more divided heart.
But from now on
undivided

I'm on a journey to find Cameron
and I have a great feeling about this
I've already made a big sacrifice
from here its me staying steady

Once again,
Ive failed to give you everything in me
but this time
I have a different heart and attitude.

Im due for a really good blog entry
But for now, my thoughts
and whatever I feel

goodnight people
I love you

Ready to say goodbye..

I'm ready to say goodbye to Northeast Mississippi.
This is a very disturbing thought to me.
But its the darn truth.
Its been super great, best 2 years of my life.
But there is only so much connecting you can do.
I understand that people will forever talk about me and that will travel wherever I go
I'm not ok with it but I am

I am just over school
it sucks to say but most people
I have made some amazing friendships and I've also lost some amazing friends
But I'm so ready to move off.
I think I might move home, even though its a desert and no one loves Jesus there
I want to be there
I want to have a man job for some reason

Ok, Im done.
I need to do math and I dont feel like rambling anymore.
Thanks blog.

No Settling

I've been thinking about love and what I would like in the opposite sex.
I realized I can be as picky as I want and my love life can look like any movie I chose!

I want someone who will dance with me at any point I feel.
There are some moments that you can express with anything else except my hands on the lower part of her back and her arms around my neck.
And it's in this moment I feel comfortable enough to whisper any secret I want to in her ear.

I want someones hand who is just perfect in mine
Like I mean in the cheesy way I can.
Like, her fingers interlock right into mine and she smiles because she feels what I feel.

I want everywhere we go for someone to complement our relationship.
Cause they can't help but realize how beautiful we fit together.

Someone who brings comfort to the relationship and brings a simple God faith to my very complex one.

I dont think I'm going to finish this..
For I know it in my heart
and if I share it, it might not come true.
I think I've met this person already...
who knows..
waiting..

My best friend called

There is something so beautiful about coffee and the bible.
Like almost they were made to go hand and hand, or page and cup.

As I sit on the back porch of my Alabama home, weather 60 and rising
fresh dew on the ground
sun shining on my feet and thats the only part cause I'm in the shade with the rest of my body
The birds singing, fish jumping out on our lake, and the wind whistling the tree tops
I write in my book.
53 weeks of rediscovering Jesus.....

I read Ecc 12.
It says " Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near of which you will say, I have no pleasure in them"

It is amazing how this old document is speaking to my mornings
On today I remember my Creator
He is the only Scientist that makes sense.

Today I'm hitting the open road.
It's going to be an amazing journey.

have a good day everyone and remember.

My best friend called me this morning
Made my whole day.

Find pleasure in the little things people
they are the things that fuel your soul.

Sow your dreams.

I think dreams die when we stop having the heart to believe in them and we start accepting okay satisfaction.

It starts with saying " Okay, its no big deal, I'll just do this.."
Its starts and doesn't stop.

I have this friend who wants to be an artist.
She paints with desire, passion, and love. Even zeal, in the pursuit of happiness.
The brush strokes of her brush and the movement of her coal pencil is a way to express her worship to the God she's in love with.

No one,not her mother, friends, school,or anything it seems, helps her move in the positive direction of becoming this fine artist.
The kind of fine artist that moves hearts like your and mine.
The kind that brings color to this black and white world.
She is the blue, green, red, and yellow or our time, if this passion and dream stops, then we are back to black and white.
I along with many other fine people have decided to stand up straight beside this wonderful young lady Picasso and fuel her fire of art. This is what it takes.
A blank canvas, inspiration, and people who ...believe.

I will never ever settle for this black and white colored life.
I have a dream and a passion.
Here what they are....
1. To love everyone I can while there is breath in these lungs.
2. With this air in my lungs, I want to speak of life and goodness. 2 things that go hand and hand.
3. To travel and see what Millport Alabama could never show me.
4. Write songs that don't stress me out and relieves others of their stress.
5. To be married and adopt a child, and make family to him or her, the most beautiful thing that will stick with them for life.
6. Finally, discover more of God and live a life completely pleasing to Him, because I am fulfilled and joyful knowing that through Him things are made possible.

I tend to live out these dreams and desires by surrounding myself with people that have a vision... small or big... They are the ones that can relate to the way my heart feels.
I plan on reading books that move me in such a way that I write a book.

I plan on listening to music that sways my hips for me and fills me with a spirit of goodness.

I plan on listening.
I mean really listening to what people have to say.
Like the times there eyes are glossy looking and you know that them speaking this will change life.

I plan on setting goals, small to big, and accomplishing them.

I have been really re-cindering life.
Why am I in school?
College has been so amazing to me, but only because the people are amazing.
Being away from home and discovering thoughts of others has been amazing but, I mean academic wise.
What is the point of going to school, spending tons of cash, only for me to fail classes and to not learn.
I learn when I'm on my time and when I have the desire to learn something, I do.
I go to barnes and noble and read it.
But I do desire to be better at school.
I do want to do better.
So I'm reading a book on reading comprehension, I feel that would help.
I think sometimes desiring, having a passion, and dreaming comes from something you don't want to do, but in the end by doing it, your knowledge, desire, and passion of dreaming is expanded.
Thats why its necessary for us to go through change and seasons of growth( the good and the bad)
I recently went to North Carolina and realized that there are so many beautiful places that my feet have never touched, and there are bodies of people I have yet to embrace in my arms and share life with them , and they share life with me.
I recently realized that dating is not for me .... right now.
I want to do many things, and learning about who Cameron Moore is, is a solo job, so I can better myself for someone that will love me. Weather their is a woman to do that or not, I don't know, but before I date just any ole gal, I need to know Cameron is taken care of, so I can better take care of the ole gal.
I want to spend time with God and name the animals.
For every girls heart I broke, I'm sorry, but know I am acknowledgeable of this, and I promise you deserve someone better, so smile and move on, and get over it. You are young, I'm not our lifemate. Figure out who you are and enjoy being by yourself so you can later enjoy being yourself around someone.
It all comes full circle.
I'm doing the same.

I can do what I put my mind to, but I can live out what I put my heart out into.
Things are possible for me.
And they are for you.
I walk in the light of God who promises guidance on my stumbling feet, this is for you and I.

So, I want to encourage you to dream!!
To desire something and go for it.
Something of worth.
Something that you can look back on and feel fulfilled, not satisfied, but fulfilled!
I want you to pursue your hearts desires.
To not surrounded yourself with negative people and their crap vibe.
To be around people who want to see you grow in the things you love. Not drugs or sex or anything of that degrading when taken out of content.

Life is a hand stretch away, reach out and grab it.
Don't be afraid
Don't worry

Trust, live, see, and be.

I love you and hope with all my heart that these words are not of Cameron Moore, but of something greater and it truly touch's your heart and mind to just simple...
move.

Move and start your accomplishment.

I plant my dreams
and I attend to sow them.

In my place..

Love will come.
I long to be in love with a girl that balances me out.

Please, please, please come back and sing to me.

Thank you Coldplay.

Goodnight.