What it was like without you here...

Do you ever have those real life moments?
Like the kind where it seems you observe more than usual.
I had one tonight.
I was siting at the living room table eating my taco soup and I looked at my grandfather and I could tell he has gotten weaker. In his voice, face, hands, you could see life was just being drained.
I then looked at my little cousin , and she is now 2.
It just seems we all are growing up and getting old.
And honestly its something we dont give much thought too..

Now, I know you know, that everyone gets old, duh, but do you realize it?
Do you realize that probably looking back on your life you have wasted some of it?
Like worrying..
What good did that do?
Why did it matter if this person was my friend or not?
Why did I break this girls heart ?
and it that moment it seems to be the biggest deal... when the truth is ... next year .. month... or day... It doesn't mean a thing.

I have wasted tooooo much of my life on what does not matter.
Like worrying about if people like me, or if they are mad...
can I say screw that ?
Yeah, I can.
Screw that.

People, lets you and I slow down.
Lets say screw it.
I think its healthy.
What matters today is that God is good , in Him is the spirit, and through the spirit are sooooo many sweet gifts.
One of those are peace.
Im on a journey to find it.
I encourage you to do the same.
I read in Col 1 today, wait I think its 1, anywho.
In God, everything holds together.
Everything is sustained by God.
Im not wasting anymore time on the unsustainable.
God should be my one desire.
I'll encourage He'll be yours as well.

Merry Christmas.
I didn't proof read this :)
Hope it makes since. or is it sense.
I think sense.

I'm going to be an english major ha.

Open your eyes dear.

Reflection.

It can be such a powerful act to embrace.
It can reflect and look back, only to get dust from your past in your eye
or you can reflect momentarily on what is going on, send it a kiss, and move on.

Alot of us are stuck on what is pulling us down.
The bad boyfriend or girlfriend
the trust issues
the thought of you never falling in love
the ideas that your ideas will always be ideas.... never reality.
Dreams become factory jobs.
True love becomes giving your body to some loser who doesnt understand what it means.

Then you sit.
Sit in a puddle of sadness.
Ive sat there plenty of times, and then your afraid to try again.
Your afraid to do something different. something new. afraid to embrace the new person youve always wanted to be.

Well...
yeah...
that was me.
But ive never had a boyfriend nor will I ever have one, not my style, or anything for that fact.

" Take courage, son; your sins are forgiven." Matthew 9:2

And that is that.

Yes, I will take my courage, and I will try again.
Only we can allow ourselves to fail. God wants more out of me and you.
He wants us to succeed.
For me that means being broke, happily in love, and changing lives for the love of Christ Jesus, and figuring out just what the eff am I doing here.
which is to glorify God.
Im here to love and be Loved.
Selflessly.

Ive learned alot about myself.
Im not afraid to go.
I can be anywhere and meet anyone.
I can be happy and sad.
I long for the presence of a woman.
I confuse myself.

Ive recently took a step back and looked at everything.
I need the presence of God, only that, then good company.
No need to lie to myself and say I need a cute woman.
Even though the newest one Im hanging out with is going to be a doctor...
but am I being true to myself.
I want my difficulty to meet simplicity.
I want to lay in the floor with the tops of our heads touching , and we both wiggling our feet while we ponder on our newest thought of the marvel of God.
Lately.
Ive been learning to Just Believe.
The importance of the word.
Im just now getting my hunger back for the Lord.
and it comes.... fom the courage we talked about earlier.

For anyone who reads this, if anyone does anymore,
I encourage to rediscover you.
What do you like about yourself.
Because Jesus loves everything about you.
Your awkward love handles, or freckles, or jacked up teeth.
He digs it.

Now if you are over weight, please run, it will just make you feel better, and try and be healthier ... it just makes sense :) sorry for that ha

God is not ticked at you.
God is greater than your heart and emotions.

Learn to let go.

Im learning to be honest.
honest enough that I need to let some things go...

smile .

I didnt feel like proof reading, comment if anything seems unbalanced

Its easy to dwell.

You know..
Its easy to dwell on the bad.
And then in the good times, you float on and forget.
We all expect good, but never bad.
So this blog is gonna be about praise.
Praise that Gods love never fails.

I moved to Louisiana in August and will be returning to Starkville in January.
My time here was not in vain.
I learned to love a family.
I learned that running from your calling in life is not pleasant.
I learned that friends are truly important and you shouldnt walk through this world alone..
I learned that I was called to plant churchs.
That my passion moves fast and stays shortly.. and then it needs to move.
I was born to travel.
so, on I will travel.

I have no idea what Columbus has to offer me.
But I know its a desert place that needs the love of Christ.
And I have a passion for that place now and look forward to spreading the love of Christ.
Its gonna be tough but I know fulfilling.

God is faithful.
He hears our crys. Exodus 3.
My plan is to live out Psalm 100:3
Look that up :)

Im on journey to answer "Who do you say I am?"
Im gonna know, and I do know.
God's nature is love.
And we should and I should believe this.

All Glory honor and praise be to the everlasting and Holy God that gives us numerous chances in this life and to succeed.

Its easy to dwell on the bad, but today I'll linger in the grace of God.

What the Lord told me about Thanksgiving.

Isaish 65:16-17
" For the past troubles will be forgotten and hidden from My eyes. Behold I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind. Verse 18. I will rejoice and take delight in my people."

God remembers, forgets, hinds, our past troubles and sins.
I am a new creation in Christ.
That my mistakes are small compared to the righteousness of His grace.

" Before they call I will answer while they are still speaking I will hear." 24.

Before I begin to confess God already hears
while Im speaking He was always listening

1john 1:9
He is faithful to forgive us of our sin

He is worthy of all glory and praise.

" Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain." Psalm 139:6

God is so loving.
I cant believe I would even lend my heart out to be consumed by anything else.
I long for the passion of Christ, no longer will I search for marriage or approval by man.
I will dig into the heart of my Father and seek the spirit to pour

romans 5: 5
" And hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom He has given us."

While we were still powerless and overcome with sin Jesus Christ, friday a thief sunday a king, gave His life so we , you and I can have life and He laid death in His grave.
Life is for you and I .
to walk in light 1 John 1
to walk in this truth that sets us free, to pray and have power in His name. But death is not like the trespass.
Gods give brings us life, the trespass brought death .

I am thankful for a savior who washes away my sin and forgets
who loves me with everything of His kingdom.
It is not about me, but others, and that is a beautiful love.
In the words of david. " you think Im undignified now, I will become even more than this."

All praise and thanksgiving be to you Holy and gracious father whop remembers my sin no more, all glory and power to Your name. Daddy consume me like a winters fall and come and burn me with a kiss.
In Jesus name and by the power of the mighty Holy Spirit. Amen.

And in today already walks tomorrow.

Its been to long.

How do we as people become so selfish?
When do we start over looking others to pride ourselves?
Its unique , The God and Jesus I fell in love with many years ago isn't the same one to me anymore....
Its not that He has changed.... its I..... that has changed...
I never thought it would come to this but I have become bitter towards people...
I have lost the reason to follow the Lord I fell in love with...
Its a wonder to me..
who was it that I feel in love with..
I remember being so connected with God.
How differently my conversations were with people..
How different my coffee tasted... how much better my days were..
This separation that I have come to know is not what I want for my life.
John 10:10 once told me Jesus came to give me abundant life and that in Him I can have complete joy.

I once heard a story .
There was this old man and his old wife and they would take road trips.
They drove a single cab truck.
And she being the head over heels in love woman would ride right by the mans side...
and one day slowly moved and moved until she was fasted with her own seat belt.
She looked over at her husband and asked " why dont we sit close to one another anymore?" and he replied " Who moved?"

It is I that has moved.
There comes times in a relationship were things are passionate..
I have yet to give Jesus a passionate moment with my heart. I have starved Him of the love He wants from me even though He promises good for me, I forget my roll in our relationship.
He is provider and my hands... can not.

Im relearning of who I once fell in love with.
I have told one of my students Jesus was all about meeting the broken where their at.
Im going to take my own advice.
Jesus once met a broken woman at a well and offered her life.
Well, Im thirsty
and hungry
and I dont ever wan to thirst again.

I'll finish this later.

until then.
Believing He is who He says He is ,
Cameron.

I hope its in these times...
I hope that in these times of silence.. that God does hear the sound of a breaking heart.

I think there comes a time where you've gone too far. In my case it seems too far.

It needs to be simple. simple.simple.

Father God,
I dont even know where to begin to speak.
I type and blog right now cause my mouth feels heavy..
........................

Sweetest In the Morning.

Be still my heart and focus on the Lords decrees.